This morning I took my girls to church, while Scott languished in bed with a migraine. Sam thought he better stay home and take care of Dad... which I understand he did an excellent job of, even though he spent the better part of the day at the computer (uninterrupted by envious sisters wanting their fair share of computer time). We enjoyed a relatively peaceful ride in Scott's car (such a nice change from the usual minibus circus that usually gets us places en masse).

I'm determined the reason the parking lot was so full (as were the seats when we got inside the church) was directly correlated to the fact we were running late today. If we had been running slightly ahead of schedule (as we actually do on the mornings we have nursery duty), the lot would have remained half-empty all day, and good seats would have been more than amply available. Whatever. Suffice to say, we had to drive around the lot looking for a parking space, then in the sanctuary we had to climb over people in the second row, and share seats with the little girls because there weren't enough to go around. Plus, we missed most of the songs (I didn't realize we were THAT far behind schedule!.. the clock must be different in Scott's car than in my van.)

For any of you that know Pastor Roger, you probably understand what I mean when I say he was in rare form today. For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of hearing him preach, believe me when I say there is a good chance he has multiple-personality disorder on top of his OCD and ADHD. At any rate, he was distracting himself with his little side comments, and generally amusing himself... and most of the attendants... with entertaining tangents. He is starting a series on the life of Jesus, in an attempt to renew our First Love with Christ.

Warning: I may start to sound a little preachy here. But really, I just want to share some of my own reflections.

In a powerfully simple illustration, Pastor told of the "woman of questionable repute" who enterred the house of the Pharisee where Jesus was a dinner guest. She threw all social convention to the wind, and, overcome with passionate understanding for who Christ was, she wept continually as she cleaned the feet of Jesus with her tears and her own hair. To the Pharisee, this was the same as if a dog enterred his house and started licking the feet of Jesus. He was mortified, and thought to himself that if Jesus was truly a prophet, he would know this woman's reputation.

Of course, Jesus did know who this woman was, and gave his own illustration to the Pharisee:
Two men owed another man some money. One owed 50 denarii, and the other owed 100. the man forgave both debts. Which debtor was more grateful?

Pastor went on to explain the significance of this parable, but I kind of went off in my own thoughts, and considered this very strong point. Which person is going to most appreciate forgiveness?... the one who has lived such an ideal, to-the-law life, or the one who has struggled and sinned, and then found forgiveness and love and life in Christ? I considered those people who go through life in miserable, condemnable sin... how can God forgive them? Murderers? Rapists? Theives? It doesn't seem fair that I have worked hard to live an upright, moral life, and may actually end up in Heaven with the likes of these.

But who am I to decide how good is good enough? Or how bad is too bad? Is my own sin worth forgiving? Is upright living sufficient to earn me a place in heaven? Thank God I do not have to decide. I am not the judge. And now I see that those who struggle through this earthly life with sin and depravity will be so much more grateful for God's divine forgiveness and grace and mercy.

I pray that when I encounter someone who makes me think how "good" I am, I will try seeing them through God's eyes, and love them, and know there is eternal hope. Even for them. Perhaps moreso for them. And I will try to imagine how grateful they will be to discover God's grace for themselves.

We are coming up on a discussion of my own encounters with God's grace and mercy. It is the reason I ever considered starting a blog of my own in the first place. I feel the need to get down in print things I have experienced and learned over the past couple of years. This may be the part where you cry. But like the woman at Jesus' feet, they likey will be tears of mixed emotions--- ranging from sadness and regret to great joy and passionate appreciation for who Christ is and what He can do in the lives of those who merely ask to be used.

If you glimpse my Jesus, and realize that First Love, I will have exceeded my hopes for the success of this blog.